There is an original translation of karma which means nothing more than “action”. When we talk about a karmic circle you can say it is just the need to be in action with one dynamic again and again.
In our times the sexual dynamic of the human male and female body looks and feels like weaponized uranium. Fired from all sides, to make you feel good. To buy shit you don't need. To overcome loneliness...
A constant tension of sexual orgasm. A roller coaster spinning round and round.
Walking on this earth, I noticed, the structure of this reality is a lot about tension. Riding on the roller coaster of karmic circles. Uiiiiiii. High point! Orgasm! Everything is fine. Then it goes down to the low point. The urge to vomit but never mind because it goes up again.
For quite a while this body dove deep into the darkness. One thing became clear. Darkness has different shapes. Darkness can be destructive or darkness can be a space of clearing. One sucks you deeper into an endless circle, the other one is centered, in a point of no action.
No action. No karma.
Every action starts to feel hollow. Throwing a stone into the lake, no ripple effect, not even a sound.
Coming to the point of no movement, no action.
"Someone just needs to stop fucking." I heard myself saying in a conversation with my colleague and my colleague adds: " Speaks the universe". One moment of silence to feel what has been sat and we both knew "Damn, this is so true!".
After our conversation my mind came in and asked: "What is that supposed to mean? What should I do about the "dark" outward force of my dick? Should I become a Jedi or a monk, living on top of a mountain, where no boobs can find me, fighting and struggling with this force until I die? "
I packed my inner exploration equipment and went off into a cave, under the surface of my outward dick force. Lustful voices, desperate voices, crying voices echoed from the cave walls. I sat down and out of the darkness a woman came towards me. All these voices now a chaotic ball of wool whispering the weirdest words in my ear. Yelling, screaming towards the woman. She didn't seem to care, sat down next to me and said: "It's ok...". All defensive walls fell off in just one moment. All the shame, blame and guilt for experiencing this violent sexual force in my being and I started to cry in this nurturing space, deeply connected to my heart.
I saw the full karmic circle of a sexual drive, so deeply entangled in the structure of the human plain and body. I saw the lust, behind lust, the face of satisfying domination, behind domination, the sad lonely human sharpening his knife, to kill himself or others to be lustful again. A roller-coaster round and round. A satisfying circle, until we come to the point of no movement, no action. We realized in this space, all that Theo ever wanted in his desperate craving to release himself in a lustful orgasm was to feel his own nurturing heart space. But no true nurturing heart space can be found on a spinning wheel of desires. And the funny thing about desires is that they don't know in the end what they even desire. So they are destined to repeat themselves in an endless loop again and again until the surface starts to crack and crumble.
Own nurturing heart space comes at the point of no movement, no action. Spinning around becomes pointless. Heart space has no spinning wheel of sexual desires and lust, to overcome one fundamental truth:
The human is a lonely creature.
Does sadness come?
Feeling own nurturing heart space again.
And the echo of this feeling is reverberating around the centered clearing darkness of my being...
Clearing Darkness, for those who are tired to ride the rollercoaster and just wanna let their feet dangle while everything else is taken care of. No need to overload the human.
I'm out now. Feet dangling, uzuzuzening my melting brain away in some earthy sounds.
To be human.